Friday, December 28, 2012

Love Isn't, Again.

Horrible argument with my husband. The wonderful SoL child is spending the night with a friend. So. The SoL chick is at home alone. SoL husband calls. And we kinda get to arguing. And by arguing I mean, hanging up on each other. Sad face.

Him:  No. It's fine. You didn't hurt my feelings.
Me: (knowing I hurt his feelings). I'm so sorry.
Him: It's fine.
Me: kthenI'mgoingtosleep.
Me: blinkBLINKblink

I said something that just didn't sound too great. So he does what we all do. I'll demonstrate what I mean by repeating the above conversation, honestly. Watch this.

Him: Wow. Way to make me feel horrible. Except that I don't want you to feel bad for it so I'll pretend to be happy. lol haha life is great!
Me:  I obviously hurt you and now you won't tell me I hurt you but I know I did and NOW MY FEELINGS ARE HURT QUIT BEING A $*%&#
Me: selfishSELFISHselfish
Him: I'm really hurt but I don't like being honest about feelings because I'm supposed to be a big strong viking pirate beast AND NOW I'M MADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

We all do this to each other. Feelings. They are the suck. But you won't tell me yours and I'm darn sure not gonna tell you mine. Next thing you know it's divorce lost a friend I hate you dummy town.

How bout practice having a little faith in someone? Give a little bit of your heart to the ones you love the most. When they hurt you, gently say so. He called me back. And we started over. And it was rough. But we did it all over again. We committed to truly loving each other, instead of doing the convenient thing and pretending that everything's o.k. thinking we're helping by doing that but instead slowly tearing each other apart. And we simply, and respectfully admitted to the other how we felt. And that was that.

When I met the SoL husband, he was a very, very chivalrous, respectful, old fashioned and pleasant kinda guy. Because he had to present that face to the whole wide world. So no one would know the truth. Because it was his job to take care of everyone. Now he's in prison.   In reality, he was just as human as me and you. Slowly, we're both learning that it's o.k. to be normal regular people with each other. That someone cares.

We're all so busy caring for them and her and him and those. Pretending to. Ignoring ourselves. Being what we think we have to be. Then we get mad when no one can hear our cries for help. How selfish of us. Be honest. Try that. My husband did that tonight. And we learned a new way to love each other all over again.

Look. I know this post isn't really as great as what I usually have to say. But it's honest. Kinda like this guy!


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