Sunday, December 23, 2012

Love Isn't

So I went to visit my husband yesterday. On the way back from visit, the traffic. It was awful. But wait! For I digress. My precious Viking Beast. How I love him so! He danced for me. Ever seen a big oh muscle-y convict with full sleeves dance in a prison visit room at a prison visit table. For his wife? Just think about that. He is Love. Capital L style. He follows my lady girl monthly cycle on a calendar. To make sure he's sensitive to my lady girl moody times. I recently tore a muscle in my shoulder. So he grabbed as many books as he could from the library and read all about the anatomy of the shoulder and the various medical problems that affect said joint when injured. While watching football. He lives to love my babies and I. What would I do without him? Not sure. Don't want to consider it. So I won't.

So I left this Christmas Eve-Eve-Eve morning to make the 2.5 hour drive back home. And the traffic was just stupid. I have to drive through a very rural area for a good distance. Usually the vehicles are pretty not so much on the every other weekends that I make this drive. But this day, no.

About an hour from home, I realized that I was in the wrong lane after I got crafty and decided to take the service road to get out of the traffic. And by "take the service road" I mean, I went mudding through a nothing-but-dirt median up a hill. (Go Camry!). Trying to get home fast as I could, I ended up in the wrong lane, put on my turn signal and attempted to get over.

No dice. The lady who refused to let me in was too busy texting to care that I was fixin to end up forced to make a left turn, get back on the highway headed in the wrong direction, where there just so happened to be NO WAY to turn around until I got all the way to the giant, stupid statue of Sam Houston. Who, by the way, looks suspiciously like Alexander Van Buren.

So I'm all praising God. Singing "YAY JESUS BIRTHDAY LAlaLA HAPPY BIRTHDAY DASHING THROUGH THE lalaLAla Rudolph!!!" And immediately stopped to call the aforementioned texting lady a dumb hoe. Like...GET OFF YOUR PHONE YOU STUPID DUMB HONKEY HOE! Because, I love Jesus. duh. She was too busy texting to respond to me. So I did what any self respecting SoL Lady© would do. And I cut her ass off. I Bo and Luke Duked my Camry up in front of her, looked back to see her response, and noticed that she wasn't too pleased with my decision. I then proceeded to remind her of her status as a dumb honkey hoe, by giving her a big thumbs up.

I USED THE WRONG FINGERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I RUINED IT! I immediately put the CORRECT finger up to express the depth of my Christian rage. But it was too late.
Whatever. I got what I wanted. Fast forward to home. Spent the day buying surprise anonymous Chick Fil A gift cards to leave at the register for strangers to get their meals free. Paid for somebody's Starbucks. Bought a struggling family their Christmas.

And then asked this question on my Facebook:
Post your Christmas wishes here. Go.

Here were the answers I got:

  • A job.
  • Forgiveness
  • Wellness
  • A family who gets along well enough to speak to each other in a civilized manner. 
-Insert frozen SoL Lady© here-

I was immediately brought back to my thumbs  up to the lady I cut off the day before. And I realized that here I am. ChristmaschristmasCHRISTMASjesusJESUSchristmasBABYJESUSbirthdayCHRISTMAS!!!!!

Until you do something I don't like. Way to fail there self. We walk around surrounded by people who put on happy faces. Who have no Christmas. Who have no good health or loving families. Who don't even have a job. But they smile and try anyway. And here I am Mrs. SelfRighteous McButthole Pants over here. "I BOUGHT CHICK FIL A GIFT CARDS. HOW BOUT THAT! -middlefinger-". 

Who the hell do I think I am? Treating other human beings like so. As if I'm the only one who hurts. Eff my Chick Fil A Starbucks crap. The moment that we forget the depth of the possible pain of the ones we're surrounded by every day, is the moment that none of our acts of love matter. Love isn't a convenient thing. Anybody can spend a few bucks on a stranger. I'm not special. And neither are you when you contribute to the circle of hate and self centered nonsense that I so willingly helped to perpetuate the other day... when you  don't stop yourself in a moment that could be the few seconds that changes someone's life forever because you paid attention to them.

So I'm not asking you to chart somebody's menstrual cycles. Or spend a day researching their medical problems. I'm just asking that you hold your thumbs up. Try to train yourself by maybe putting a Post-It on your car dashboard. Reminding yourself to be sweet. Because it's the little things y'all. They add up to something greatly momentous in the lives of those struggling with hurt. 

To the broken hearted, and the hurting and depressed. And the given up and alone in a mean family. The unemployed jobless feeling like a failure. To you. I'm sorry. I wish I could take it all away. I can't. But I can make sure that the hurt stops with me in the moments when I'd like to keep it going to make myself feel better. 

xo. xo xo xo. 

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I'll tell you what I tell my dogs. Be sweet. My blog, my rules. Xo!